Shout out to the FDA

Who decided to make packaged foods so embarrassingly impossible to open? Was it the FDA? Well here's the thing, Mr. "I'm the FDA and therefore a big bad cool pants mcgee" : This must STOP! I am giving fair warning to all: Do not attempt to open a package of Tillamook Sharp Cheddar Cheese (sliced, 50 squares separated by little papers) with your BARE HANDS unless you are prepared to exert the amount of effort it would take to win a battle with a zebra... well, actually, it's either that OR you have to forfeit your sacredly-cherished-but-not-usually-necessary ego by using a pair of scissors. You've been warned... the choice is yours. Think twice before you engage in turkey-sandwich-making. Freakin ridiculous.

Scene: Urgent Message

You're late, you're well-dressed, and you're a liar. Pay the taxi driver and give him a good tip, for heaven's sakes. (It's absurd how poorly taxi drivers are tipped.) Leave your coat and hat with the hostess then find a table and try to get the attention of the waitress. She's attractively stressed while taking orders in this claustrophobic space. She hasn't seen you yet.

Scene: Priorities

"There are so many people I want to meet you."

Scene: The Meeting

Here are two gentleman. I picture them as old men with years of friendship and memories between them. You ought to imagine them however you like.

A: Where is truth?

B: Right here. It's happening now.

A: Goes quiet, nods.

B: You and I are not exceptional. Everything about us is quite regular, really.

A: Your top hat. My folding map.

B: Exactly.

They sense that they are about to part.

A: Where will you go?

B: I am undecided... but once I arrive there I suppose I will have found truth. Tips hat in jest.

A: Hands over folding map.

B: Takes the map, looks down at it.

A: Smiles.

B: Looks up. I suppose that now... we're not so regular.

AV