thoughts and things

At Alex's recommendation I read Kurt Vonnegut's "A Man Without A Country" the other day. It is a must-read. An earnest, charming, delightful, witty, easy read full of sass and truth. I enjoyed it so much - it only takes about an hour to devour. Vonnegut says,

"If you want to really hurt your parents, and you don't have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing your art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something."

I think that's funny. And wonderful. And true. I wanted to share it.

I am also reading Jim Orbinski's "An Imperfect Offering," which is a book about his experiences in war-torn countries through Doctors Without Borders. My favorite quote so far is this,

"The thought of giving up is inconceivable."

While we're in the way of quoting people, the other week I stated,

"I don't believe in dinosaurs."

And I don't.

The semester is actually over. I know this because I am sitting at my parent's home in Henderson, Nevada wearing my sweatpants. I just woke up from a four-hour nap and ate some potroast. This is the last time we'll gather in this house because my folks are moving to Kansas City, Missouri (where I was born, incidentally). I have mixed feelings about this... it kind of feels like this:

Lastly, I can't stop watching this video. When the drums come in, tell me how big your head nod was. Seeing Arcade Fire in concert would be a purely religious experience for me.

Happy Christmas, all.

time to share

#1. A collage I made for Tristen:

#2. My view of the valley:

Discussion on desire

Desire is a strange concept. It's one force that drives us for our entire lives: desire to do, or not do; to have, or not have. I desire to search more in-depth which desires are driving me. My desires include (but are not limited to)...

• creation/collaboration/spirituality (peace)
  
• comfort/health/safety
• companionship/validation/honor
• survival/security/ownership
• success/fulfillment/recognition
• travel/knowledge/truth
• humour/pleasure/simplicity (ease)
  

I think that I've been pretty consistent over the years as far as finding an outlet for my craft, which is probably the most significant desire I have - the desire that continually takes precedence. Music/creating has been my main goal for such a long time, so at least I can be consistent in that way :) It's a good part of life to feel solid in. We auditioned for the Opera last night and today I found out that I was given a role, which humbled me and offers me an opportunity to fulfill my desire - a way to keep working on my craft. Desire desire desire.

I greatly desire to share this poem by Rumi, who is wonderful with words:

I've said before that every craftsman
searches for what's not there
to practice his craft.

A builder looks for the rotten hole
where the roof caved in. A water-carrier
picks the empty pot. A carpenter
stops at the house with no door.

Workers rush toward some hint
of emptiness, which they then
start to fill. Their hope, though,
is for emptiness, so don't think
you must avoid it. It contains
what you need!
Dear soul, if you were not friends
with the vast nothing inside,
why would you always be casting you net
into it, and waiting so patiently?

...

Know that your body nurtures the spirit,
helps it grow, and gives it wrong advise.

The body becomes, eventually, like a vest
of chain mail in peaceful years,
too hot in summer and too cold in winter.

But the body's desires, in another way, are like
an unpredictable associate, whom you must be
patient with. And that companion is helpful,
because patience expands your capacity
to love and feel peace.
...

Friendship and loyalty have patience
as the strength of their connection.

Feeling lonely and ignoble indicates
that you haven't been patient.

-Rumi VI (1369-1420) from Rumi : One-Handed Basket Weaving

I am also in the mindset of discovering what I simply do not desire and cannot tolerate. I think this list is much more lengthy, not to mention shame-based/fear-based. When you think about it, we are all shame-based - motivated to action because we...
1. Fear the possibility of feeling shame because we do/say/think/want something
2. Learned from our past shame and want to avoid similar experiences
3. Want to help others avoid being shamed

...and the list goes on.

It all starts with our desires, and whether those desires/thoughts/impulses are acted upon, what the result is, and how it affects our future actions. Then we get nature and our fellow humans involved and find the clash of armies as our desires conflict with the desires of others.

It's all a mess, isn't it? :) Regardless, I got what I "wanted" and I'll be in the Opera this coming Spring. It spurred these thoughts in me and I had to give them life.

May your desires bring you peace, success, and joy!