My Myriad Moments

keep on keepin on

2011-09-25T13:29:00.002-06:00

life has continued to amaze me, and i'm learning every day. i've just finished a production called as it is in heaven at the petit playhouse in oxnard, ca. no i'm rehearsing for a series of one-acts called quills & keys in santa paula. today i auditioned for arsenic & old lace at santa paula and we'll see what becomes of that. the opportunity to perform is never taken for granted - i am lucky to know how special it is.

thanks to two really great guys at vault media i can be seen on TV in The Vault, Episode 2, if you click here (minute 8:52).

and thanks to my day job's need for an actor in their recent commercial i will be seen on KEYT commercial breaks during the morning news, regis & kelly, and america's funniest home videos.

speaking of day jobs, i am still the sales administrator for do it best hardware and having a good time. i'm still living with my sister and i fall in love with california more each day.

i'm learning the truth about who i am and who i want to be. can't be mad at that.

-av

kind of... vomited thoughts

2011-04-21T21:50:00.010-06:00

i am eating a turkey sandwich.

ha! as i was writing that thing about the sandwich i realized that my shirt is inside-out... wow, that was awesome. and actually, here's something: as i was writing that i clearly understood why the phrase is "inside-out," which is great thing to understand! (especially if you're 23 years old.)

so, tonight i went on a run with my nephew tyson.

we went to a place known as "pirate park." it is called this because the playground has a big mast and sails and fun pirate ship knick-knacky things. it also has that weird black rubber stuff used instead of gravel/wood chips. i remember how the dust and dirt from the gravel would make my jeans gray at recess. and it felt weird on my hands. so yeah, maybe the black rubber is meant to preserve the washing of jeans, who knows? i don't. how could i possibly know?

if you are interested in experiencing life completely uninhibited, tyson is the ultimate guru. once i unleashed him at the park i said "go!" he bounded in three directions at once, then began sprinting all around, smelling things in a multitude of ways, sometimes with great care and other times in passing as he walked or trotted by, then would be walking a little bit then whoa there he goes he's running and wait! that smelled good what was it.... it's gone. pause. look into the distance at something for no reason. and go! run! run around! run in huuuuge circles that span the entire park and grass is freshly mowed and little clumps fly up behind as the running is so fast and lips are folding back threatening to cover the eyes but it's so worth it cause it's so fulfilling to be running!!! annnnd slowwwing down to find your auntie again and she is there... to pet you give you rubs scratch the ear oh man that was fun... panting is hard...

tyson doesn't like to run over the bridge because the boards move and it freaks him out and i don't blame him but tonight he crossed over like a champion. i wish i could communicate the thoughts and feelings and sights that come from overlooking that harbor because there isn't any hope of giving you a proper description with words.

i looked out and took it in - the boats docked and the boats coming in for the night, the gulls flying low and looking for dinner in the water, the water a steely blue-gray-green washing up over rocks, the wind sweeping over it making skittery patterns along the surface, the white railing on the bridge, the sky transitioning into dusk, the end of the harbor almost in sight... i really did smile. (i do that all the time here.) i ran a little faster. i inhaled a little deeper.

perspective? i guess? i'm trying to think. i just feel like there was too much beauty in that moment for any of it to be unseen, glanced over, or even looked at. i had to immerse myself in it. i had to function from its perspective. then i suddenly thought, felt, and saw in a way that has left me incapable of relaying the mental, emotional, visual impression. tonight on the bridge was an experience - my working definition of an experience.

self immersion into the present moment = experiencing the senses from the moment's perspective.

i need to remember this when my chin is resting in my hand tomorrow at work.

A scheme!

2011-04-18T20:56:00.006-06:00

This post is brought to you by: Gee... Ah! Grow. Fee?

*SHOOP* Tired and music in your ears and out of breath... jog across a bridge over the harbor. Well done. Okay now think to yourself, What if we don't use airplanes in the future? (Wait, isn't this the future?) What if instead we just step into machines that are like elevators and then press a button that will deliver us to our destination once the doors open? This thought is completely disturbing to you as you're running over the bridge but it just smiles and scoots away... and the sun is setting. It yawns. Every shape and sound becomes a lazier version of itself.

Travelators may never actually come to fruition. Successful transference from one geographical location to another via Travelator not guaranteed. Fun not guaranteed. In fact, fun not encouraged nor tolerated. Any persons implying the use of fun or acting upon the feeling of fun will be detained and sentenced to instant death by panther. Fulfillment of dreams not included. Travelator is not responsible for the loss of hair, pet snakes, teeth, virginity, taste in music, limbs, winning lottery tickets, wedding rings, left shoes, and/or car keys. Travelator advises any persons with missing left shoes to ask their mother for the whereabouts and/or check under the bed. Should Travelators enjoy creation and success all dog-lovers will be given priority when booking travel in an attempt to mold a more dog-friendly planet and to offer the canine his deserved chance to travel - NOT a cage in a cold dark pit surrounded by luggage. Travelator not responsible for any missing dogs. Especially cute lovable ones.

Shout out to the FDA

2011-04-12T22:14:00.007-06:00

Who decided to make packaged foods so embarrassingly impossible to open? Was it the FDA? Well here's the thing, Mr. "I'm the FDA and therefore a big bad cool pants mcgee" : This must STOP! I am giving fair warning to all: Do not attempt to open a package of Tillamook Sharp Cheddar Cheese (sliced, 50 squares separated by little papers) with your BARE HANDS unless you are prepared to exert the amount of effort it would take to win a battle with a zebra... well, actually, it's either that OR you have to forfeit your sacredly-cherished-but-not-usually-necessary ego by using a pair of scissors. You've been warned... the choice is yours. Think twice before you engage in turkey-sandwich-making. Freakin ridiculous.

Scene: Urgent Message

You're late, you're well-dressed, and you're a liar. Pay the taxi driver and give him a good tip, for heaven's sakes. (It's absurd how poorly taxi drivers are tipped.) Leave your coat and hat with the hostess then find a table and try to get the attention of the waitress. She's attractively stressed while taking orders in this claustrophobic space. She hasn't seen you yet.

Scene: Priorities

"There are so many people I want to meet you."

Scene: The Meeting

Here are two gentleman. I picture them as old men with years of friendship and memories between them. You ought to imagine them however you like.

A: Where is truth?

B: Right here. It's happening now.

A: Goes quiet, nods.

B: You and I are not exceptional. Everything about us is quite regular, really.

A: Your top hat. My folding map.

B: Exactly.

They sense that they are about to part.

A: Where will you go?

B: I am undecided... but once I arrive there I suppose I will have found truth. Tips hat in jest.

A: Hands over folding map.

B: Takes the map, looks down at it.

A: Smiles.

B: Looks up. I suppose that now... we're not so regular.

A Kind Gesture

2011-04-11T20:23:00.011-06:00

Her hands were freezing. So was her nose... and her general face area... and any place that was sweaty was also cold because of the bicycle ride. Cold and good and cold. The sun was setting but it wasn't pretty yet- It was the "pre-sunset-sunset sort of half-orange-mostly-grayish" color. For the first time in (perhaps) ever the air was coming into her lungs with supreme ease.

Apartment building doors often require a key, and hers did, which she produced. It was a glass door, and as she began to unlock it her eyes (with the help of peripheral vision) absorbed a human getting into the elevator on the other side of the door. The human was a woman and it was wearing cotton stretchy pants wherein tiny fibers cried for help and tried to run from the fatty tree stumps they clothed, otherwise referred to as "legs" in the human culture. Below a limp lion's mane of extensively color-treated hair there should have been a neck, but instead a baby blue top somehow divided her massive carriage into 5 layered rolls of flesh.

The elevator had arrived to level L. The fat human woman was getting in. She turned around. She saw the cold bicyclist slowly opening the door.

Here is the truth: the cold bicyclist had a runny nose.

She also had been strategically opening the door slowly with every intention of missing the elevator and carrying her bicycle up the stairs.

But then something happened and this is what it is:

The woman pushed the button which makes the elevator door abruptly reverse its direction and it opened and it was a kind gesture and the cold bicyclist had just gotten her bicycle through the apartment building door and she was now positively devastated.

"Oh! Thank you, that was nice." (She was entering the elevator in this moment, distraught and sniffling from the runny nose.)

"I'm on 3."

The bicycle was awkward, which it would have been even in the largest and loneliest of elevators, but now it was sharing with a cow and a fluorescent light and two red buttons and the cold bicyclist, whom it pressed against.

Here is the next thing that happened:

The bicycle drunkenly lost its footing and the front wheel turned which caused it to roll sideways (toward the cold bicyclist) and thus its rear wheel rolled in front of the closing elevator door, which in turn caused the same abrupt reversal which the woman had previously activated on purpose.

Here is what the cow lady said:

"Woops."

Here is what the cold bicyclist said:

"Ope, sorry," and she moved the drunk bicycle.

The door closed successfully. And then something happened inside the cold bicyclist. The elevator was rising to level 1 now where the apartment building stored its livestock. The whir of electricity and magnets and fairy dust and all the things that make elevators ascend was pressurizing her existence -GAH!

"Do you have children?" the cold bicyclist blurted out. (But not in a panicked way, just in a "this-came-out-and-I-meant-it-please-don't-crush-me-you're-big!" sort of way.)

"No."

At this moment the cold bicyclist realized the human woman fatty was wearing sunglasses. What the-? Strange. Also, she realized why she asked the question about having children, and this is why: because the way the sunglasses weird-but-nice-elevator-holder-fat-fat had said "woops" induced a series of mental images and feelings (some were not even her own) related to treatment of children.

Spilled milk: "woops."

Ball hit over neighbor's fence: "woops."

Stalled car when learning to drive: "woops."

Bicycle tire intercepts elevator door...

Level 1 had arrived, which meant they had arrived at level 1. The door was still closed. Woops? Woops!

"That's something my mom would have said."

The door opened and the human woman shuffled past the bicycle in silence. (Except for the sound of her cotton fibers screaming for help.) Maybe the cold bicyclist ought to have taken the stairs and ignored the woman's act of holding the door... but then she wouldn't have had that experience... and wouldn't have heard the way the woman said "woops" and wouldn't have thought about or felt anything about it. And what is the point of anything if it doesn't happen?

Anyways... what kind of person wears sunglasses in an elevator...

Not a proper update

2011-01-13T22:21:00.002-07:00

Don't get excited. This post is actually a post to tell you that I will be posting soon. Ha.

Alex Grey

2010-12-18T00:55:00.002-07:00

I'm sharing it because I want the world to know it exists and hope you don't take it for granted. He is brave enough to bare the parts of the soul I think we all wish we could... :)

"It's as though we are co-conspirators of consciousness--everyone, everywhere, everywhen, mixing up our openable minds. It's as though we could gather clouds in the sky and people into our lives. Like an eruption of consciousness, we discover the most important force is love. Experience yourself as the Source and appreciate every moment as perfection."
-Alex Grey

AV

My second gift of Christmas

2010-12-10T23:30:00.007-07:00

I suppose this is a Christmas story.

I was working at the hardware store today at the cash register. A little old lady came up to the register with graphite lubricant stuff for keys. We made eye contact and I said "Hi. How are you?" She kind of laughed and replied with a German accent. "Just fine." I rang her up and blah blah blah. She was saying "I hope I can figure out how to use this. When you don't have a man around it gets much more difficult. I'm not used to these things. Lightbulbs and ahhh." I complimented her on her bravery and assured her she could do it. She started walking away and saw a tree at the front of the store as she was going out. She exclaimed, "What a straight tree!"

We talked about the tree for a while. She really liked it. I told her how much it cost and she liked it more. It comes with lights already on it, it's very straight (apparently), and I somehow ended up telling her that we could deliver it to her home.

Uhhh. We don't deliver to people's homes. But I was going to deliver that very straight tree to Agnes one way or another.

I sold her the tree and got her phone number, told her I'd call her tonight before "we brought it by." And she left with the happiest smile I've ever seen in such a short German woman.

Well the night went on and eventually I had to confess to my manager and coworkers that I had promised a delivery, and asked permission to use a company truck. We didn't have any company trucks. So I asked permission to use a coworker's truck. Luckily he said yes.

I arrived at Agnes' door and she answered immediately. She cried in glee that I had arrived. Yes, I had arrived. I was still shocked that I had even gotten the tree into the truck in one piece. She didn't want it in the box. She wanted the whole tree to be delivered and placed in her living room exactly as it had been in the store. I hauled it out of the truck and tromped into her home and tripped on a rug and set it down in the corner by a piano and a bookcase. Her home was beautiful. Everything was antique, and everything was clean, and everything was German.

After a few impossibly perfect moments of comedic timing ("A little to the left. Not that left. Back. Yes. More in the corner. Out, just a bit. There.") it was finished. I stood up, handed her the electric cable and she plugged it in. We both cheered =)

She said "I have something for you." She handed me some cash and this:

German biscuits. She corrected my pronunciation of it and said "They are very good. Not too sweet, not too sweet, very good for you, German biscuits." I thanked her so much and we embraced. She said "You brought Christmas into my home, you beautiful girl!" I think my heart burst into red and green Christmas glitter at that moment.

It was very cool to experience that today... it felt like such a gift, and I'm so glad it happened.

Too busy gazing at stars...

2010-12-09T23:12:00.009-07:00

Heyyyyyy ya! Hey ya.

Lots of new things! Get ready..... go.

(1) Un: For those of you who didn't read the Hair post and won't read the Hair post and want to know about Hair in this post: Hair was awesome. Great experience. Great. Great. Grate. GR8! LOL! JK 9er 9er... (Text-speak is gross, people. Stop doing that.)

(2) Deux: I am stoked on a lot of things, but this is pretty neat. I've audited two classes at Playhouse West, observed the students and directors and really enjoyed myself. I was impressed with the work and felt my heart pulling towards it, just begging me like a kid begs his mom for candy. "Can we go? Can we take classes? Pleeeeease!" So when I met with the founding director I remained very calm while my heart railed against my ribcage like that little kid, begging permission to take classes. He said yes, and then spelled my name incorrectly, and now I get to go play at acting school in North Hollywood.

(This photo taken approximately 30 seconds after leaving the school, sent immediately to Tristen's phone, and now hangs on the fridge under a magnet that says "Must Have Coffee")

(3) Trois: The Hardware store! My workplace. Well, I AM NO LONGER A CASHIER. But I'm still in Hardware store country, only now I am the ADMINISTRATION OF SALES office chick person lady ninja. I actually asked for ninja to be in my title but Steve said he can't fit it on the business card. I said "I get business cards?!" Then I said "It won't fit... pshhh... that's because you're not a ninja." Anyways people listen up here: If there's one thing I do better than shootin' the shishkabab in Spanglish with customers who set their chihuahuas on my counter, it is ADMINISTRATE. What does that even mean? It doesn't matter. I will get my hands on some Excel spreadsheets and wheely chairs and a legal pad for note-taking, and this sounds so sweet. Almost as sweet as the sound of receipt paper printing... or babies crying or cell phones ringing or my favorite word EVER: "Where's..." followed by some graphic hand gesture that I am to decipher as being somehow related to the item this person needs... I could probably move into Major League Baseball at this point and become a secret ninja code reader of plays they are going to do... I envision myself sitting in a niiiice box with binoculars and a big stogey in my mouth saying "Yeahhh see, he's gonna bunt see... then he's gonna look fooooor... a paint roller! but he's not sure what - hm - oh! not sure what size, but it's a 9" and he needs Purdy brand. Only Purdy." So I'll be doing office stuff, essentially. That's about all there is with that. I'm extremely happy. ProMOtion. Fun.

(4) Quatre: I know what you're thinking, "So Alison that's neat but ummm how come you're not in New York?" Well, okay, fine. I will tell you because I realize that a lot of you have been following me for years and waiting for your tickets to my shows... And part of truth is that I'm not there YET. Another part of the truth is that I'm here NOW and I'm learning about why that is. I'm learning that this is an extremely important time in my life and I'm laying some crucial foundations for myself physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc. I'm working toward a whole self, and working towards wellness.

I've also found that I'm content with the idea of being here if it means I'm getting work. I'm in a good place with some really great contacts that I'm pursuing. If they can employ me, is it right to let it slip even even though I'm in LA right now? Nooope. So we'll see what happens and let it keep happening. I'm happy to let it be.

Thanks for reading, those of you who crawled to the finish line with your eyeballs gasping for gatorade. I'll splash you with some, here, *splash* That's better.

Lots of love.

HAIR closure

2010-11-09T10:11:00.004-07:00

All rightay. Here you will find (in this order): Videos, Reviews, and a few of my thoughts about the production experience.

1.) Video footages:

- My solo number, titled "Air" followed by a monologue to my unrequited love, Claude.

- The group singing at the Be-In, and my fun high part during "Hare Krishna"

- The group singing the title number, "Hair."

2.) Reviews:

- Santa Barbara News-Press "Let The Sunshine In"

- The Santa Barbara Independent "HAIR at Center Stage"

- Noozhawk "HAIR Goes Back to Its Roots"

3.) Thoughts:

I feel like being in HAIR was certainly something I needed to experience at some point in my career, and I'm glad that it happened when it did, in the place that it did, with the people that it did. I learned a great deal about character development - what's healthy, what's dangerous, what needs to be part of the process, and what can take you too deep. Throughout the process I continually longed for some guidance and direction that could have "brought me back" from the hard places we discovered in the show. This is a work about peace - not in the cliche "peace signs on my Abercrombie and Fitch shoulder bag" way. It truly is about finding peace in your own way and by opening your eyes to the resources around you to obtain peace within ourselves, peace with one another, peace with the world. Every time I sang or talked about the stereotypical ideals and traditions of "hippies" I realized that they were just like those that the religious groups who admonished them claimed to believe: treat each other well, treat the planet well, don't resort to violence, be generous with what you have, praise God/Nature through music/art/poetry. This is the mindset that Jeanie thought in. It was the mindset of the Tribe she called her family.

Post-production has been really good for me. I haven't crashed as hard as I did after past productions... I've quickly gotten back into a rhythm at both jobs, back to my normal workout routine, and back to the simplicity of my walks and bicycle rides instead of the train/motorcycle/bumming rides/wondering how I'll get to the next thing. The weather in California this time of year is divine. I'm fully stoked on it.

The support I felt throughout the production experience is indescribable. Of course I had my family behind me - I couldn't believe how my parent bots made it possible for Mama Vance to fly out and see the show. Tristen saw the show three times. There were nights when the community really turned out to be supportive... But aside from that, and probably more crucial in a production like this was the support from the Tribe. I was initially very surprised to find myself so easily embraced by my cast-mates, because most of them had worked together in previous productions and I thought I might have to fight to prove myself to them. Not so. We really did become a family. I felt a real relationship with each cast member individually, and then felt the satisfying weight of belonging within the Tribe. I was so grateful to generous partners onstage. I was so thrilled when I saw my colleagues succeeding, and so humbled by lessons I learned from them.

I was thrilled to find that my sight-reading skills haven't diminished like I thought they might in the months since graduation, and learning the music came really easily once I had a score in hand. (Yes, it's thought of as simple stuff - but we didn't just start singing it like they do on the Original Cast Recording, despite having been sent that to "learn" the music beforehand. We plunked notes and made revisions and did the work) It definitely felt good to have a score again :)

I will (selfishly?) add that from the beginning I committed myself to grow from this intellectually, and I kept that resolve for the entire process. I researched every single reference in my script that I couldn't explain thoroughly right off the bat, and even those that I thought I could. I learned SO MUCH about the time period, the music, the clothing, the political views, the nightmarish draft process... It's worth investigating on your own, if you have a chance (and if you've made it this far into the post, proving that you can read lots of words in sequence... you're well on your way) and the motivation to dig up some world history.

The only way I can describe the feeling I walked away with is probably scary, but might get it across... I feel like a junkie who finally got her fix. Truly. I needed to do a musical so badly. It had been FAR too long (my last staged musical production was the Bacchae Rock Opera thing at the U of U Fall 2009) and I had been literally starving for it. Validation is sweet. Once again it confirmed that this is my genre, this is my time to pursue it, and it is 100% realistic for me to have a career path in this field. I have the talent, the drive, and the patience to manifest it.

I deeply believe that we can have whatever we want... we just can't decide when. But I've committed myself to work on my craft in whatever capacity, whether it be a community theater project or alone at the Palace - and when it's time, I'll be ready :)

Peace.

Pointless

2010-11-09T10:01:00.000-07:00

No false advertising here, this really is pointless.

My first review :)

2010-10-25T14:14:00.001-06:00

Hello all,

I have tons of photos and things to update about as far as the OPENING WEEK OF HAIR! But I also have no time and I'm just posting this to share a fun moment I had - getting my first review... Take a look.

Please enjoy the music while your party is reached.

2010-10-01T00:59:00.003-06:00

Take a look-see at our kickstarter for HAIR.

Wellness and Swellness

2010-09-28T16:57:00.002-06:00

All right, my precious'es. Welcome to a new post. This is the one where I upload a bunch of random photos and try to fill you in on my life. First of all, I've had an epiphany and I've recommitted myself to walking the road of wellness. I've been taking some small steps (and a few really big steps) to discover who I am and where I fit in life. It all starts here...

...at the train station. I take the train up to rehearsal. It rides along the coast and is absolutely stunning. Best 45 minutes of my day.

This is the view from the bridge I cross on my way to work. I got Manny fixed so I can ride my bicycle again. The early morning walks have been amazing, too - I've seen seals eating fish in the water below! I have some videos on my iPod... I should try to upload them...

And then I throw in some Daily Domination, like beating Super Mario World on my Game Boy. No big deal. Just saved the princess.

This caught my eye while I walked around Paseo Mall. It is nice.

And these lovely things.

This was my view from a little cafe I went to before rehearsal the other night. That apple pie was delicious.

Cafe sidewalk and rocks in a pot and tree and things.

RAR! I am the Wellness Dragon and I am here to burn your destructive habits! Stand back! I will protect you from yourself!

You see? Everything is happening as it should should should, and the Universe is good good good. I have an audition this Thursday night for a little gig called Speaking of Stories. Fun.

Becoming Jeanie

2010-09-23T00:10:00.005-06:00

Hi everyone...

Tonight I tried on the infamous preggo belly. Here is a photograph from my phone:

The belly is too high, I know. We have some kinks to work out. And the gentleman who surprised me right before the photo was taken (notice the surprised eyebrow, eh?) is playing Berger, one of our main dudes. He was rehearsing music, hence why the pianist's mouth is slightly open (awkward). Anyways this is my dress and belly that now comes with being Yochana "Jeanie" Marie Lerner. Ta dah!

We had a good rehearsal tonight. It ended with a character-building exercise with the group. We paired up and faced our partner, then were told to see them with a certain intent. For example Adam (above photo) also happened to be my first partner, and as the group found partners our Assistant Director would give prompts like "In this partner, see all of his/her joy." So then you just look and explore and learn about that person's joy without using words. Then we moved, and also found partners to share sorrow, appreciation, teacher, enemy, and soulmate with.

Funny that my soulmate ended on the kid who is playing Claude - Jeanie's unrequited love interest! :)

Lots of good things will happen with this show. I'm excited about how the process is going so far. We have a run-through of Act I this coming Sunday!

Peace.

Vance Birthday Pants

2010-09-07T14:39:00.004-06:00

Yay! I was born. Today was ye olde celebration with family, friends, and many a cupcake.

Mom, birthday girls Alison and T

Steeeeeben Boo Bear

"Oh, sorry, we didn't see you. We were toasting. With cupcakes."

Le Ryan, Le Alison, Le Esteven.

YEP. IT'S AN EPIC CUPCAKE TOWER OF WONDERFULLY MAGICAL FANTASTIC-NESS.

Don't be jealous.

California, je t'aime.

Family extravaganza

2010-09-02T21:52:00.003-06:00

My parents are in town, which is the best. This morning we went to Mrs. Olsen's for breakfast and had an epic feast... I love breakfast so much... And we sat outside in the lovely morning foggy weather.

The girls! Alison, mom, Tristen

Adorable. Like pulling teeth.

Vance Nation

Jeanie!

2010-09-01T13:09:00.002-06:00

All right, my seven faithful readers, it's time to let the sunshine in and rejoice in the hippie era. I will be playing Jeanie in the upcoming production of HAIR at Center Stage Theater this fall! The company I'm performing with is called Out of the Box Theatre Company, and this is their blog: http://outoftheboxtheatre.blogspot.com/

I'm SO STOKED to play Jeanie, the pregnant hippie. After some interesting callbacks where I was given a slide of Sheila and asked to sing her solo piece of the show, I thought there might be a chance I would be asked to play her. But after doing a chorus song with the other actors I think my voice is more needed for the chorus, which Sheila might not sing very much on, I'm not sure... Either way, I'm completely thrilled to be working onstage again!

Thanks for your support and good wishes while I was auditioning!

AV

Are you going...

2010-08-27T01:35:00.008-06:00

....to San Francisco?

The Ninja took us on a 9-hour journey to the Northlands of San Franny himself.

Surf Motel: one out of ten. So, ten out of ten.

I'ma stand on this bed.

Our room: completed by a shower with no handle.

Gallery strolling on Geary.

Favorite.

Boy + Bike = <3

Bold.

Ninjas.

Lombard! We went down the crooked street and everyone was taking photos of us.

Agreed.

My favorite part of San Francisco! The Sea Lions at Pier 39!

Hey, Jude.

I rode a PANDA on a Merry-go-Round (my favorite activity of all-time), and it was epic.

DOMINATION!

We had an absolutely amazing adventure, with so many fantastic stories to make the 9-hour motorcycle trips completely worth-it.

A few things

2010-08-15T18:25:00.002-06:00

1. Ryan and I went sea kayaking today! It was very fun. A gorgeous afternoon - we went all around the harbor and I felt like I was rowing a gondola through Venice: all the beach houses on the water, birds flying overhead, boats sailing and puttering around. It was fun to read all the names of the ships and to wave as we passed boats and other kayakers. Fun!

2. Life in California has been awesome and I feel so lucky to be here. Sometimes I get frustrated because I am broke and invisible, but I am learning to accept that this "transition" is not a transition - it's happening NOW and I am meant to enjoy the moments within it right now as well.

3. I have an audition for HAIR this coming Friday! The production is being put on by a small theatre company in Santa Barbara and the show will be at the Center Stage Theatre up there. I'm realllly excited and I hope I get a callback so that I can participate in the workshop and meet some new actors.... gahhh...

Monday mornings

2010-08-02T20:19:00.003-06:00

If there is one thing I have learned about being a cashier, it is this:

You do not want to be the cashier between a customer and his purchase before 8am on a Monday morning. When the line is too long, or the price seems a bit high because the cashier forgot to discount your plant that is 50% off, please do not take out your Monday morning rage on your cashier.

Again: Being a cashier is not for the faint of heart. You must be strong.

Unless you are a barista giving that same customer his morning cup of coffee. That cashier is forgiven for anything, but a hardware store cashier...? It's over. He hates you forever.

my day off

2010-07-27T21:50:00.001-06:00

me, sunflower, tyson, ryan

laughter

2010-07-25T16:23:00.003-06:00

this is joy:

essentially i was trying to hum and whistle simultaneously to the tune of "Waiting For A Girl Like You" by Foreigner. i will post a techno version of the aforementioned song in the near future. stand by.

Audition news = wahhh.

2010-07-24T00:21:00.002-06:00

Well friends, I did not receive a contract with Stiletto Entertainment for the cruise line entertainer. I was disappointed and upset so I had a small grieving ceremony and took a big breath. I'm grateful for my family's love. Whew.

Friends are all souls that we've known in other lives. We're drawn to each other. That's how I feel about [my family]. Even if I have only known them a day, it doesn't matter. I'm not going to wait till I have known them for two years, because anyway, we must have met somewhere before, you know."

-George Harrison

Inception

2010-07-20T18:37:00.002-06:00

Last night we went to see Inception, written/directed by Christopher Nolan and music by Hans Zimmer. The cast was phenomenal and smartly costumed, the writing was fantastic and each character was completely believable which convinced me that the story was not only possible by completely realistic. Allegedly Nolan was writing the script since he was like 15, which would explain why it was such a thorough and clean execution of the story. That film is the work of a lifetime. I was laughing when I realized that at the time he began writing it, Leonardo DiCaprio wasn't even born yet. So he was writing a role for an actor who didn't even exist yet. He was also writing a story that required technology that hadn't been invented yet. How crazy it must be to watch a lifetime of politics unfold, technology reveal itself, actors grow up and become perfect for your film, and all of these other factors that came together to make such an epic and satisfying film.

My cousin Stephen said that Nolan had it in writing that if he made 1 billion dollars from "Dark Knight" he could do whatever he wanted. Inception was made on that promise and I'm so stoked it was! Such a good film.

Favorite things:

2010-07-18T16:59:00.002-06:00

#3: Spooning

Instruments

2010-07-17T22:28:00.003-06:00

The voice is the only perfect instrument. As all man-made things are corrupt, so are instruments. But their necessity has given them a flavour that we can't ignore anymore. It's capable of performing any form of ornamentation except for polyphony (meaning suspensions with oneself). It was the first instrument, and it was borne of a need for communication that transcended physical communication. (However, I feel that even the deaf/dumb still have voices and do speak in ways I can't understand.)

It told the first stories and sang the first songs. It inspired everything that came after it. Even the voice itself was borne of The Voice.

It is infinite and sacred and such a gift to all of us.

"Great strides, great strides."

2010-07-13T14:48:00.005-06:00

So many things to share! It's too hard to keep track of the inspirational things that have been happening in my life since the last time I wrote. The rest of Cancun was absolutely fabulous, with much relaxation and sun to be had. Upon return I broke the news to my boss that I would be joining my family for the 4th of July and not working that weekend. I don't know how I kept my job, but I did, and was aboard a plane whilst my coworkers held the fort down... Family time was the most rejuvenating thing since Red Bull, and I came back feeling 100% refreshed and refilled. Our new grandbaby Jake sure is a handsome guy, who brings a real spirit of healing with him. It was sheer joy to hold him and rock him to sleep! On the plane ride home I started a book called "Many Lives, Many Masters" and was filled once again with inspiration that could compete for 1st place with "The Artist's Way" that filled me last summer. "Many Lives, Many Masters" is a true story written by a psychologist who personally encounters and uncovers the past lives his client, Catherine has lived. It brought me to a much deeper understanding of reincarnation, of the truth about this life and our nature as humans.

"A fascinatingly intimate and quick read, I simply beamed at each new truth presented by the Masters."

-Alison Vance, Daily Domination

Then came the audition. THE audition, I should say. On Sunday afternoon I drove down to LA for an audition with Stiletto Entertainment Studios. Hoping to be cast as a vocalist on one of their Holland America cruise ships, I sang two pieces that had been assigned to me (Danny Boy and La Vie En Rose) as well as a belt song of my choice (But the World Goes Round). I must say that it went extremely well, and that I'm very happy with that audition. If it doesn't prove to be what they wanted, I will still feel like I won in the end, because I'm proud of everything I left there. I had a couple of vocal/breath issues, but they were minimal and I didn't acknowledge or apologize for them, since the voice is not always perfect, and they don't expect it to be. They only hope to see your professionalism and passion in the audition, and I definitely left that! I got warmly complimented on my audition outfit and on my voice. They seemed very happy with me (and could tell that I was happy with myself) which made me glow :-) I have a good feeling about it, but I'm also anxious to hear back. I'll post the news either way once I get it.

The next wonderful thing is having Ryan home! He has been in China playing the lead trumpet for America's band represented at the World Expo (World Fair) since July 1. It is so nice to see him again, and today we went to Michael's to pick up painting supplies and then Barnes & Noble to look at books. I was highly inspired/moved by the photography of Nick Brandt in his book "On This Earth" depicting the animals of Africa in their very most intimate moments. Absolutely stunning photography (shot without a telephoto lens!).

Now that we've eaten Macaroni & Cheese out of coffee mugs I think we're going to get a kayak and go ride around, or perhaps sunbathe on this beautiful day!

Ode to Tub and Other Things

2010-06-17T23:02:00.000-06:00

Who'd have thought that the best part of Day #2 in Mexico would be spent here:

The bubbles were wonderful, but even more wonderful once the jets were on and they rose up about two feet to completely surround me in a bubble cave. I occasionally reached out to have some breakfast. Absolutely fantastic.

Then I went to the last part of a meeting with Lane, and headed to the beach! I got my butt kicked by some beautiful waves, moved to the more-forgiving pool area, and then got my butt kicked by the Mexico sun-gods, and moved to the more-forgiving umbrella shade within the pool area. :-) Luckily, I had all of these things available to me at any time, and could be as fickle as I wanted.

Tonight there was a really cool fire and drum show down by the pool so I went to watch that. I sat really close by all the little kids and I'm sure my face was just as amazed as theirs were - the show was really impressive. The drum show totally made me miss living in Hawai'i, and the fire show was put on by some brutal performers in crazy black ninja outfits... it was pretty epic.

Of course, as soon as the show was over the hotel showed the Laker/Celtics game on a massive screen at the pool (I will have to take a photo of that while I'm here...) and that was my cue to head back to the room. Too much Laker in my face as I put people's hammers and top soil in bags at work, don't need it here in Paradise! ;-)

Altogether, I can't complain about a day in the tub and surf and sand and pool and sun. Not one bit.

-AV

Meditation

2010-06-16T21:00:00.002-06:00

I've begun my meditation practice again. I'm enrolled in an online summer class for the U to complete a few extra credits and I am SO GLAD I chose to take "Meditation & Stress." The instructor is Dr. Riesdel, who facilitated the Anxiety Group I was part of at the U for a couple of semesters. It was all totally meant to be :) One chapter that I really loved this week was titled "Role Stress." It totally opened my eyes to the fact that I have been constantly placing myself in the same roles my entire life. Some of them come to me, but oftentimes I seek them out. I have always thought that leadership, taking charge, and heavily influencing others is something I get joy out of - but that's because my college life consisted of student leader roles, joining clubs, auditioning for solos, enforcing campus policy, etc. Big surprise to nobody but me. It was impossible to choose ONE quote this week, but I selected a favorite that I have enjoyed thinking on this week:

“We might even risk being ourselves in ALL our various roles. We might at some point feel secure enough to be true to ourselves and more authentic in everything we choose to do.”

Right now I'm sitting in my hotel room in Cancun, Mexico with a white sandy beach awaiting my presence in the morning (after I've eaten my room-service breakfast in a bed-sized jacuzzi, of course). I'm feeling super mindful and content. It's good to be on vacation.

-AV

some things

2010-05-31T22:07:00.002-06:00

not much to report, even though life here is awesome and full of good things! i am just stoked on the fact that i get to see my sister so much! and my walk to work is awesome, i go over a bridge... and those are the two main things i'm happy about right now.

-acv

Je suis employed!

2010-05-26T22:51:00.003-06:00

Good Things:

1. I got the cashier job at the hardware store. This elates me.

2. It was a beautiful day here in California and I had a delicious Jamba Juice earlier.

3. Ryan and I took Tyson to the beach and he is passed out in his bed with exhaustion and euphoria.

4. My meditation course is awesome and I'm really happy to be getting back into it.

5. I'm looking into auditions for Disney.

Long-overdue Update

2010-05-13T10:50:00.004-06:00

Hello, out there! I wonder if you've given up on me? Well I'm back, and summer is here, so updates will abound!!

1. I graduated from college.

2. I am currently sitting at Peninsula Palace with this one:

And enjoying the fact that after a two-day road trip I made it to California. Photos and details will come as soon as I can get a photo disc when I develop my disposable cameras, haha.

Recital and Graduation

2010-03-22T01:06:00.001-06:00

To view information about my upcoming STUFF, go to:

alisongraduates@blogspot.com

email me at alisongraduates@gmail.com

ENJOY!

xoxo

this day

2010-03-11T11:20:00.000-07:00

This day is beautiful, perfect, whole in every way.

The clouds look like the clouds from Toy Story - they are perfect.

The sky is super blue and totally unabashed about being amazingly beautiful.

I love it... thank you, Universe! Send me more :)

..

Circle in the Square Audition weekend

2010-03-01T23:59:00.002-07:00

Hello All.

Well I'm back in Salt Lake and trying to update everyone on the audition. It was a great weekend, despite being much too short to actually do anything in the City. I had a great visit with my dear colleague Laura from the program last summer - she was so generous to let me stay with her (E 13th between 1st and 2nd Ave). The audition itself was pretty darn good. Before I went in I had to tell myself "Ali, you did not fly across the whole damn country to be anything but FIERCE right now. DO THIS!" I feel like I did the best I could do. Colin (the director) assured me that I should hear back "very soon."

A couple of things could happen - one is that they would offer me the Summer workshop once more and possibly invite me into the program based on the work I would do this summer.The other, obviously more desiring outcome, would be acceptance into this program starting in the Fall.

My greatest fear/concern is how I would possibly afford this move and life-adjustment after just graduating with my Bachelor's. I am in no position to move to New York City as far as my finances go. Last summer was a sort of transcendental Mecca for me - letting myself really experience the City as a sort of... "resident tourist" is what I would call it haha. Moving there for a (semi permanent) time would be a completely different story, and there is no chance of me moving there this Fall without some sort of scholarship/stipend/loan/grant, if not all of the above. I suppose we'll cross that bridge when we get to it...

Thanks again for the support and undying belief in me and my dreams - I am grateful and lucky beyond belief.

Ali Out

James' response

2010-02-09T14:50:00.002-07:00

The deaf gentleman I wrote about last post commented on my facebook. He had read the post and wrote,

"I loved your blogspot comment about me. There is more story to it, I actually almost died, and would have died if it wasn't for the nurse quickful thinking on the spot which saved my life from high fever of 104 degree, and had chance of getting brain damage and chance of becoming mentally retarded permantely. Cannot you image a toddler getting 104 degree fever?"

I wanted to add that to the blog.

amazing experiences

2010-01-27T15:56:00.007-07:00

Maybe these stories will touch you, maybe not, but I feel like they are worth sharing.

Story #1:

So, I was riding Trax the other day next to a gentleman who was folding some origami. As I glanced at him I saw that he was staring straight forward and had on darkened glasses - he was blind. I watched his hands work, independent of his eyesight, as he formed this creation by folding paper. When he finished he reached out his arm and found me sitting next to him. He offered me the origami and said "Here, I made this for you. What does it look like?" I was grinning. I said "Wow! It's a dinosaur." He smiled and said "I can't see what they look like, but I'm glad it looks like something!" Then we talked for a while. I found out that he is a luthier - he makes instruments, electric guitars are his specialty. It was one of the nicest gifts I've ever received :)

Story #2:

As some of you know, I am a note-taker for a deaf gentleman in my American History class. Essentially, I take notes for him so that he can watch his translator during the class, and I email him the notes later. I've done this for a couple other students since I've been at the University, and it has always been a really interesting experience.

The other day this gentleman and myself were chatting on gmail, which was the first real conversation we'd had, and the first conversation without a translator between us. He thanked me for the notes, etc, and then we got chatting.

At some point in our conversation I asked if he had been born deaf, and he said no. He had been really weak when he received his DPT vaccine as an infant, and it actually almost killed him. A nurse gave him aspirin and put him in an ice bath - she saved his life.

Weeks later, he was on the kitchen floor while his mother was cooking. She dropped a huge pan - BANG! - and her little boy remained unaffected, though he sat inches away from this huge crash. She took him to the doctor and found out he was 90% deaf.

His family learned sign-language and his impairment has never kept him from living his life. He got an AS in Architecture and worked with a great company in Park City until the housing crash, then he decided to come back to school. He has been married for ten years to another hearing-impaired woman who works for the Disability Center on campus. He is a really amazing guy.

After a while he asked me what I do. I told him about studying Opera at school and told him I am a soprano. He responded,

"Soprano? Never heard of it."

It was at this point that I got really emotional. How do you explain MUSIC to someone who cannot hear? I had never stopped to think that this gentleman might not know what a soprano is. I then proceeded to try to explain it to him in terms that he would understand. It was the most humbling, interesting conversation I've had in a long time. He said that when he cranks up the bass he can "hear" it, but that's the extent to which he hears music.

I am so incredibly humbled to have all my body parts functioning and enabling me to live the life that I'm living. I am infinitely awed by music and the way that it weaves my life together... I can't imagine a world without it.

I've heard that sometimes a deaf person can hear music when they are extremely close to the vibrations. I wonder, if I stood near him and sang, if he would feel my vibrations?

Feminine Power

2010-01-27T15:54:00.002-07:00

Here are the notes I took from Jean Houston's seminar on Feminine Power:

Monday, January 25, 2010

Become the Miracle

“Awakening Your Highest Destiny”
Mystery School: A community of thinkers who continue to meet, dating back from the times of Greeks etc, which arises in times of radical transition
We wake up each day to the mystery within us
Most people have been trained for another time, which doesn’t apply to us anymore – we are part of a radical change
You are a seeker
You have potential
You are ready to blossom!
We have the promise to grow or die
Our potential is enormous but our state of application is not very good
How do we live a spiritual life in tumultuous times?
Awaken every sense!
Live beautifully and truly in higher purpose
Tap into your higher person and release them, and then find a passion for the possible
How do you regard time?
You have within you subjective time – “I can take you within yourself to work with your master teacher.”
A second life lives within us – a second DESTINY
Find a future – enact it
The different people inside you bring different skills to bear
Recognize your higher self present in EVERYTHING!
Bring your local and higher self into union
How do we bring them forward?
How do we LIVE them?!
1. Have good friends – community
2. Live in creativity so that energy is ALWAYS there
3. Set a template of your optimal body (do exercise for your “local” body, but nurture your higher body to adapt to energy and tasks of spirituality)
Sense what your possible life can be
Activate your vision

What do I want from the Universe?	What does the Universe want from me?	What do we want together?
Stream of consciousness writing	Stream of consciousness writing	Your findings/revelations

We should not experience the flight of the “alone” to the “alone” – relationships are meant to be
1. Intellikey (essence) à Like an acorn who is to become an oak tree (our DEEP purpose) It is informed.
2. Community à Able to access the depths and transcend weariness or competitive needs
3. YOU ARE THE MYSTERY à you are richer, deeper, stronger
How do you know you’re ready?
The call is always present!
You either hear your call in still silence OR
You hear your call as a WAKEUP CALL or
You realize the necessity for it to meet the times you are in
The hero’s journey:
First, she sees the Guardian of Her Threshold: “When I do this, or when I finish that, or when I have time, or once I lose weight, etc.”
Second, she enters in to the Place of Rejuvenation
Then she has a BOOM and brings her gifts into the world
Find the correspondence between myth and reality
Myth: what never was, but is always happening
What do you realize from the mystery school? “People finish their dissertations! (Laughs) They become evacuators of their communities – realizing the possibility in their other lives.”
Cross the great divide of Otherness
We can create the house for our larger life to live
Build bridges across space and time
Don’t live on the outskirts – live in the “Kingdom”
Our brains can change – they are filled with neuroplasticity
Awaked to potential
What’s the impact? Family. People find time for the importance of their families. Larger capacity for devotion.
When you’re in the middle of an adventure, don’t stop!
Be quickened into clarity and delight!
Everybody has a passion for the possible
THESE ARE THE TIMES, WE ARE THE PEOPLE!
You will become the miracle.
You will live your life on many levels.

The most incredible part of this was when the seminar was over and the listeners were un-muted, then I could hear over 5,000 voices thanking Jean and professing such gratitude – it was like a sea of white noise of sisterhood and HOPE!

The Beginning of the End

2010-01-10T23:04:00.002-07:00

In 17 weeks I will receive a diploma folder without a diploma inside. The diploma will be mailed to me. But the ceremony and what it represents will be the same - and that will mean I'm a college graduate.

This elates and terrifies me. :) Here we go!

-Ali Out

...

thoughts and things

2009-12-23T18:54:00.005-07:00

At Alex's recommendation I read Kurt Vonnegut's "A Man Without A Country" the other day. It is a must-read. An earnest, charming, delightful, witty, easy read full of sass and truth. I enjoyed it so much - it only takes about an hour to devour. Vonnegut says,

"If you want to really hurt your parents, and you don't have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing your art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something."

I think that's funny. And wonderful. And true. I wanted to share it.

I am also reading Jim Orbinski's "An Imperfect Offering," which is a book about his experiences in war-torn countries through Doctors Without Borders. My favorite quote so far is this,

"The thought of giving up is inconceivable."

While we're in the way of quoting people, the other week I stated,

"I don't believe in dinosaurs."

And I don't.

The semester is actually over. I know this because I am sitting at my parent's home in Henderson, Nevada wearing my sweatpants. I just woke up from a four-hour nap and ate some potroast. This is the last time we'll gather in this house because my folks are moving to Kansas City, Missouri (where I was born, incidentally). I have mixed feelings about this... it kind of feels like this:

Lastly, I can't stop watching this video. When the drums come in, tell me how big your head nod was. Seeing Arcade Fire in concert would be a purely religious experience for me.

Happy Christmas, all.

time to share

2009-12-08T08:05:00.002-07:00

#1. A collage I made for Tristen:

#2. My view of the valley:

Discussion on desire

2009-12-01T14:36:00.003-07:00

Desire is a strange concept. It's one force that drives us for our entire lives: desire to do, or not do; to have, or not have. I desire to search more in-depth which desires are driving me. My desires include (but are not limited to)...

creation/collaboration/spirituality (peace)
comfort/health/safety
companionship/validation/honor
survival/security/ownership
success/fulfillment/recognition
travel/knowledge/truth
humour/pleasure/simplicity (ease)

I think that I've been pretty consistent over the years as far as finding an outlet for my craft, which is probably the most significant desire I have - the desire that continually takes precedence. Music/creating has been my main goal for such a long time, so at least I can be consistent in that way :) It's a good part of life to feel solid in. We auditioned for the Opera last night and today I found out that I was given a role, which humbled me and offers me an opportunity to fulfill my desire - a way to keep working on my craft. Desire desire desire.

I greatly desire to share this poem by Rumi, who is wonderful with words:

I've said before that every craftsman
searches for what's not there
to practice his craft.

A builder looks for the rotten hole
where the roof caved in. A water-carrier
picks the empty pot. A carpenter
stops at the house with no door.

Workers rush toward some hint
of emptiness, which they then
start to fill. Their hope, though,
is for emptiness, so don't think
you must avoid it. It contains
what you need!
Dear soul, if you were not friends
with the vast nothing inside,
why would you always be casting you net
into it, and waiting so patiently?

...

Know that your body nurtures the spirit,
helps it grow, and gives it wrong advise.

The body becomes, eventually, like a vest
of chain mail in peaceful years,
too hot in summer and too cold in winter.

But the body's desires, in another way, are like
an unpredictable associate, whom you must be
patient with. And that companion is helpful,
because patience expands your capacity
to love and feel peace.
...

Friendship and loyalty have patience
as the strength of their connection.

Feeling lonely and ignoble indicates
that you haven't been patient.

-Rumi VI (1369-1420) from Rumi : One-Handed Basket Weaving

I am also in the mindset of discovering what I simply do not desire and cannot tolerate. I think this list is much more lengthy, not to mention shame-based/fear-based. When you think about it, we are all shame-based - motivated to action because we...
1. Fear the possibility of feeling shame because we do/say/think/want something
2. Learned from our past shame and want to avoid similar experiences
3. Want to help others avoid being shamed

...and the list goes on.

It all starts with our desires, and whether those desires/thoughts/impulses are acted upon, what the result is, and how it affects our future actions. Then we get nature and our fellow humans involved and find the clash of armies as our desires conflict with the desires of others.

It's all a mess, isn't it? :) Regardless, I got what I "wanted" and I'll be in the Opera this coming Spring. It spurred these thoughts in me and I had to give them life.

May your desires bring you peace, success, and joy!

A morbid bit of patriotism...

2009-11-21T12:21:00.003-07:00

Here's my anthem for those of you without facebook:

I was walking to my bus stop the other morning and saw this:

And couldn't help thinking of this:

Morbid, I know, but it just came to my mind. I thought it was really interesting, for many reasons, but it ultimately led me to be grateful for the people who fight the good fights.

There's a graveyard in northern France where all the dead boys from D-Day are buried. The white crosses reach from one horizon to the other. I remember looking it over and thinking it was a forest of graves. But the rows were like this, dizzying, diagonal, perfectly straight, so after all it wasn't a forest but an orchard of graves. Nothing to do with nature, unless you count human nature.

-Barbara Kingsolver

ugh! rehearsal sucked. try, try again.

2009-11-09T23:14:00.001-07:00

Success isn't a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.

-Arnold H. Glasow

AUTUMN, JE T'AIME!!!!

2009-11-05T21:44:00.004-07:00

I wish I had more photographs of what has happened in the last couple of days - lots of really beautiful moments. Anyways here a couple of shots to whet your Autumnal Appetite and I'll also include some notebook entries I've jotted down:

"11.2.09 - In Conducting - watching a groundskeeper raking leaves. A long stick got into his pile. He picked it up and gave it a nice, juvenile toss to the base of the tree. He seemed satisfied. Why do we rake leaves, anyways?"

"11.4.09 - (while listening to "Im Treibhaus" in Vocal Lit) for a second I could see the music [from the page of the score in class] reflected in the face of my watch - it was exquisite. the leaves out the window are lovely as well."

If I could remember a single word of my dance-party rap, I would insert it here, but a photo will have to suffice:

As you can see, I was wearing a hard hat and safety goggles. There is no reason to be jealous, just know that when I make it big as a rap artist I will be sporting this ensemble on a regular basis. I plan to come out with my own line of hard hats, and everyone will be 10 x safer in the daily happenings of life.

Tonight I went to dinner with my friend and former coworker James, and we stopped by Hatch's afterwards- a locally-owned chocolate place. While we were walking through the Avenues I realized that it was seriously the nicest Autumn weather I think I've ever experience. It was so crisp, and fragrant, and still. On my walk from the bus stop to meet him tonight I was wading calf-deep in these HUUUGE leaves on N Street. I kicked them up and made as much noise as possible mwahaha... UGH! I love this weather, I love Autumn so much!! Also, we walked by piles of people's raked leaves and kicked them with spite.

"Flames and smoke climbed out of every window and disappeared with everything that you held dear. But you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need, cause you knew you were finally free... And all you see are so many possibilities..."

-Death Cab for Cutie

Marveling! Marvelous.

2009-11-01T23:15:00.003-07:00

I have something to say, and I'm only going to say it once: there are some things in life I will never understand, and the human brain is one of them. What a remarkable piece of matter we are working with up there in our noggins. How could we possibly EVER fathom the capacity we have with our brains? We can't! There is no way. How could I wake up, know what my body needs, use my brain to make my world function, understand and intake information, cook eggs and bacon, communicate, reason and debate and empathize and ponder and find amusement... how? How how how? What a system...

I love colors. I love that my eyes can interpret them and that they resonate within me. I was in the tub the other night and I experienced indigo (without the use of hallucinogenic drugs). My thoughts have been indigo.... I'm a hippie? So sue me. Then go try to be indigo.

If I could keep one moment from my day forever and ever, it would be this: assembling crappy shelves from Smith's while listening to Sigur Ros. I was somehow able to THINK of harmony, DESIRE it, intake breath, let it back through my epiglottis, use it to resonate in my bones, let it be articulated, and sing. What a miracle.

If there is one thing I regret most in the last month it is this: dropping my phone last night and losing ALL OF MY NOTES that I had recorded in my phone in the past 8 months. All my quotes. All my to-do lists. All my motivational messages. All my thoughts I had recorded in there. It really, really bums me out.

"In other words, I should say, there are no words."

La la love you

2009-10-29T18:57:00.004-06:00

I turned in my graduation papers today!!! May 2010 here I COME!

Let's be real here: being sick is probably the worst thing to happen to a Vocalist. It sucks for everyone, everywhere, but I can think of nothing more toxic to my studies! I haven't been to class or work this whole past week. Blahhh...aaahhh...ahh...ah.. *gasp* It's okay! Monday is my resolve: I'm getting back in it, and I'm going to dominate.

Why is Autumn such a fleeting season?!?! Gah! If only it could stay alllll year long! But alas. We have to sadly watch this:

Be suffocated by this:

Despite the snow and the sickness and the complications that come with being human, I can honestly say that I'm a happy girl. I'm finishing up The Fountainhead, which is a remarkable read for any and all to enjoy, if you can handle Ayn Rand (and we all know what a compulsively descriptive writer she is. I've never known an author's pages to actually wreak of ego the way hers do... regardless, it's sheer brilliance).

Also, I have had a couple of auditions, so that's always a good thing :) I'm happy to be. Imagine that.

"Take your life in your own hands and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame."

-Erica Jong

Yes please. Thank you so much.

2009-10-25T22:21:00.005-06:00

Utah, you've done something I am forever grateful for. This year has been one of the most spectacular Autumn seasons I've seen while living here. I am LOVING IT. Our campus is breathtaking, and the streets are filled with all kinds of wonderful colors and trees and gutters full of leaves! It's the best best best!! I love this season so much.

Epic mountains and sky:

when god decided to invent

everything he took one

breath bigger than a circus tent

and everything began

when man determined to destroy

himself he picked the was

of shall and finding only why

smashed it into because

-e.e. cummings

*************************************************************

Buffalo Bill & Macbeth

2009-10-18T20:13:00.005-06:00

I drove back to Vegas with my parents and brother's family. When we got to the state line we braved Buffalo Bill's magical wild ride. See photos:

The obstacle:

Walking to my death:

Domination:

Last night (Saturday) I attended the opening of Utah Opera's Macbeth at Capitol Theatre. It was truly an amazing performance. I was totally blown away by the voices, the costumes, the level of acting from the cast/chorus, and the orchestra. Verdi was a brilliant man... he really created a masterpiece with this one. I loved it. It made me miss New York.

Then I enjoyed a rowdie evening with my lady friends!! Gabi, me, Julia, Ruby. Ta dahhh!

Now that we're back to school tomorrow I'm feeling like this semester is going to finally get what's coming to it: the wrath of my domination. I am ready to kick some serious butt. Hold on to your hats.

California sun on strike...

2009-10-13T13:47:00.005-06:00

And I couldn't be happier... This "rainy" day is absolutely divine. I thought I should post some photos of my bus ride...so... ummm taking photos out of a bus is really strange and glare-full. I was driving through the desert- they are boring. But I LOVE the drive from Utah to California, especially when you are chasing the sunset. Then you leave at sunrise with the Rockies and you get sunset over the silhouetted hills of the desert. It's my favorite.

Some things about my ride:

I was the only white female on the bus, so... that's good.
Spanish comes in handy, I translated for some passengers.
I'm sure there was some real shady stuff happening on the ride between the passengers, but I enjoyed a whole row to myself and the naivety of looking out the window and listening to Ben Folds, Regina Spektor, Kate Nash, and all of our opera scenes music. Yeah.
The layover in Vegas was just over an hour and I got to have lunch with the parentals, my brother and his family, and that was nice. They are actually coming to California today, so we will only be without my other brother and his family... wah.
I'm listening to the Decemberists' most recent album. It is epic - if you don't have it, get it. It's a fantastic concept album, very cool. So perfect for this rainy day...
The rest of the ride was spent reading and looking out the window. I had an epiphany at one point - that was helpful. :) I won't go into detail, but I just felt secure in the Universe and felt a peace that has been missing from my life for a little while.

Overall, I'm totally happy I did the bus ride. I am excited for the ride home, since it will be mostly at night and I'll probably get to see another gorgeous sunset that I can't quite capture through the lens of a camera. Eyesight is truly a remarkable gift - I have had that on my mind a lot lately. I don't know what I would do without it, especially if it was taken from me after I knew the beauty of the world and couldn't ever see some of God's most precious creations again. Ugh. I just can't imagine.

As those of you receiving my Status Updates have been told: Ali Out.

"Observe the wonders as they occur around you. Don't claim them. Feel the artistry moving through, and be silent."

-Rumi

please enjoy, for that is the purpose of music

2009-10-05T22:17:00.004-06:00

music. love. simplicity.

A delightful dinner

2009-10-04T11:02:00.003-06:00

Greetings!

Last night I had the luck of having dinner with Stephanie Sundine (you may remember her from adventures such as: Alison lives in New York, and Alison is Directed by Stephanie in Little Women). We went to Buca di Beppo or however you spell it. All I remember is that Seth told us that Buca means "buttcheek" in Romanian, so that's all that really matters. We had a lovely time - Stephanie is full of light and wisdom - I enjoyed myself so much. We had great conversation and great food! This is the epic cake we shared for dessert:

As you can clearly see, I am giddy with anticipation. Yes, readers, it was as delicious as it looks. (drools)

I woke up this morning to some EPIC rain! The thunder crashed over the house and I woke up, hearing it like a lioness purring in my ear, and fell back asleep. The pavement is wet and the sky is full of God's grace and glory.

“May you always have walls for the winds, a roof for the rain, tea beside the fire, laughter to cheer you, those you love near you and all your heart might desire.”

-Irish Blessing

An Update fit for Kings

2009-09-30T21:54:00.003-06:00

Photos worth sharing (extensive update below!):

Keir and I playing piano.

Katelyn and I after our dinner date. I like my profile freckles. I never knew I had so many.

Ummm? Candid?

Being a cold Bakkhai.

Practice room survival 101 with Miss Ruby!

SO, I intend to give this blog the righteous update it deserves. It has been far too long.

Because I live in Utah slash Antarctica, Autumn (my favorite season, beloved above all others) lasted for about 2 days. The weather was absolutely phenomenal and divine and I loved it so much. It makes my heart sing :) Today was sleety. What's up with that? It kills my collar bone - the cold really brings about a pain that I can't really ease. It's rough. :(

The Bakkhai was a tremendous success. We had a wonderful following of supporters and had an absolute riot with that production. I feel so honored and blessed that I got to try my hand at a Theatre Dept project - who knows if that will happen again. I learned SO MUCH by discovering the differences and similarities between departments and "genres" (Music/Theatre and Classical/Rock...) It was a wonderful learning experience, not to mention an alter ego I had never explored! Playing the character of "Wrath" will do things to you - in every facet of life.

In other news, I'm finally catching up on schoolwork and music. I love having the practice time to get into the catacombs and plunk out my notes. Ruby has been my fearless partner in crime and we have been kicking butt at memorizing for Opera scenes.

Now that it's Autumn, all things wonderful and pumpkin flavored have once again emerged into my life in the form of pancakes, pie, cookies, bread, and lattes: all pumpkin flavored, all delightful to smell, taste, look upon, and hold (when warm, and not sticky).

The truth is, my energy level post-show is nearly exploding out of my body except that it has nowhere to go - I have no place to focus all of this pent-up energy that was previously channeled through rehearsals. I am trying to stay focused on school and music and work, but my exuberance for life and performing sometimes creates an anxiety that I can't quench. Time to start Yoga again in addition to nightly meditation/journaling. I miss the studio, and my peace that I find on the mat.

Love to all, and wishing you well. (If anyone reads this anymore)

Happiest girl posts a happiest blog.

2009-09-24T16:57:00.003-06:00

Autumn is upon us. Summer has officially ended. My favorite time of the year has finally arrived! I was sitting at my bus stop yesterday morning enjoying these, the first of the gutter leaves I've seen this year.

While this looks fantastically dramatic and pensive, I actually put the camera on timer and didn't get back and sit down on time. Sooo there's that. Enjoy girl at bus stop.

On the way to Weber to perform The Bakkhai. This is a big tire that went from the ground past my window in the car. I took a photo. Enjoy tire.

Weber. Theater. Where we will do theatre. And ACTING.

Sweaty girl, happy girl, acting girl. Ta dahhh!

Life is wonderful. Today, especially, but just in general. I am so happy! I have so many good things to love and appreciate, as well as so many wonderful people to enjoy. Now, I get a night off and I get to catch up on my life and my "homeworks."

Love to all.

"An artist cannot fail. It is a success to be one."

-Charles Cooley

Performing. Or not.

2009-09-22T22:48:00.005-06:00

BYU asked us to leave before we got to perform on Monday. While it was upsetting, we respect them for making that decision rather than asking us to censor or compromise our show. Regardless, it is a greek tragedy for goodness' sakes. We were playing by Euripides' rules, speaking his words, and hoping to present our audiences with challenging and thought-provoking material.

See us on the news.

Beautiful

2009-09-18T22:09:00.004-06:00

Birds.

[insert sigh of relief here]

2009-09-16T09:02:00.003-06:00

A poem given to me by my best friend:

Humility

I have everything to learn.

This will be what keeps me.

What points me toward humility:

Knowing how very little I know

How very far I have to go.

As for now . . .I know nothing.

I know I know nothing.

I have been blessed.

Last night I was about ready to scream because I was so overwhelmed with music to learn, assignments to do, books to read, and laundry that has literally swallowed everything in my room except a 5'7 space for me to sleep in. Then I got a text from mom that they had received a letter from my insurance company calling off the hospital bills from my bicycle accident (Oct '08). Maybe it was because I was so tired, but maybe it was because my heart was bursting with gratitude, but I cried some happy tears and fell asleep.

"Thank you, Universe. Send me more."

Too much

2009-09-09T23:10:00.003-06:00

There's too much right now! There is too much in my heart and my head and I'm exhausted and tonight was an all-dance rehearsal and I'm sweaty and tired and sore and frustrated and I need my body to cooperate even though it's doing an amazing job and I'm so grateful to have such a functional and capable system working for me but good grief I am delirious.

"Wouldn't it be a grand surprise if we found that within our own beings, our own breath, our own unique voices, lies waiting a superb power for healing, for helping us gently toward wholeness, and for uniting us with one another and more fully with ourselves?"

I still have loads of laundry and my Italian homework to do. Sometimes I just don't know how I do this college nonsense.

being a paid actor rocks

2009-09-08T22:52:00.004-06:00

'Evening.

Tonight we rehearsed and got notes on the first third of the show. It's basically kicking butt at this point and I am so proud of our production. Everyone works so hard. The morale is high. It's a great group. Tonight we sang a few tracks in the studio for our cast recording - see photos below.

I tried to put my headphones on and they rebelled and smacked me straight in the lip, which got red and puffy and bled on the inside. So upsetting. See my upset face? It was a sad situation.

I love making music. I love feeling rhythm and hearing harmonies and making my voice do new and exciting things. I've never sung ROCK like I sing it in this show. I roar some pretty mighty notes, ya'll. Come and see it*

Love love!

*rated a little over PG-13 for some males who play females, and a dude kissing a dude. Sex and wine references throughout due to our worship of the God Dionysus.

Birthday delight

2009-09-07T15:31:00.005-06:00

Yesterday was my 22nd birthday. I got the best present in the whole world - a reunion with my immediate family in good ole Las Vegas! I flew in on Saturday night and out on Monday morning. A brief visit, but a wonderful way to celebrate.

Vance girls! Mom, Alison, Tristen, and Nia.

Papa, Nia, Wesley.

Tyson (Little Bud).

Nia and Tyson in the fountains at the park.

Tristen and Nia making miracles happen.

Oooh candid.

Wesley dominating.

Simeon and me-self.

Tristen, Tyson, Nia. Note the starfish hands.

The three September Birthdays! Sim, Alison, Tristen. Careful what you wish for...

Our fabulous cake.

The Vance siblings September 2009.

Art that Inspires

2009-09-05T16:51:00.006-06:00

Last night Ruby and I were looking through a book of art by Brian Kershisnik. It really moved us. He has some phenomenal quotes that I wish I'd written down. I was loving it.

Gardening

Thorn and Sparrows

A Dangerous Greeting

Why do some things touch us so deeply? How does art do that?

"I wawnt that."

2009-09-02T01:48:00.006-06:00

O, how I am aching for you, New York!

I can't sleep. I have been reading my journal from the summer, and missing the city so much. I miss my walk from the Subway to the apartment at night. I miss the lemon cupcakes something awful. I crave the smell of coffee from cafes and the ease of jumping on a bus to ride downtown. I miss the language of taxis honking and the humid air swallowing everything and everyone. Central Park has been calling me for days... to see the lake, the random musicians, the enamored couples (of all ages) awkwardly posing for photos or holding hands or scolding children or whatever else couples do.

I feel like I left a big part of me there this summer. Probably so that I would have to go back and retrieve it.

Sometime all full with feasting on your sight
And by and by clean starved for a look;
Possessing or pursuing no delight,
Save what is had or must from you be took.

-W. Shakespeare

I miss you so much, Manhattan.

dream

2009-09-02T01:33:00.007-06:00

The other morning I woke up to my own soft laughter. It took me a second to remember where I was, and why I was laughing. I had been dreaming that I was chasing a rabbit through a meadow. I was wearing a sundress and my feet were bare. It was dusk. The grass was thigh-high and smelled so strongly of summer that I was still smelling it as I remembered the dream. I was running and laughing, getting more eager as the rabbit dashed in a new direction. I remember seeing my hands clearly splayed out in front me, reaching for the animal, my fingernails painted red like they have been for months now. I had my adult hands, my current hands... but my mind, my energy, my laugh... they were all far more youthful. At one point my bonnet flew off, and that was when I first knew I had been wearing a bonnet. The sun sank lower. My heart sped up... it sounded like a war drum. It was like shaky camera-work in a film. I was suddenly standing in a forest of trees that bordered this meadow, I was gasping for breath, and I had forgotten all about the rabbit. I was disappointed that I had let it get out of sight - and I hadn't meant to be in the forest yet anyways, so I looked at the sun setting and hurried back into the meadow. That's the only time in the dream I felt worry of any kind.

The meadow was safe, the evening air cool. I walked slowly through it and saw the rabbit still bounding away, which made me laugh, remembering how I had chased it. The wind was whispering protection all around me. I was happy... So happy that I woke up just moments before my alarm went off - enough to open my eyes, find myself laughing, remember that I was in bed at home in the attic, and then that I had been dreaming. I loved the smell of that grass.

I am open to opinions on the significance of this dream.

Love to all.

"Mediocrity the Musical!"

2009-08-26T23:34:00.005-06:00

Scene: [A girl in her early twenties strides up to a soap box in a public square. She takes her place, clears her throat, and projects the following words...]

This is my frustration:

Last night I did my reading for one of my classes. In class today the teacher, instead of expounding on what we read and having a class discussion on that material, ended up paraphrasing everything the reading had described. This class time was ultimately spent to catch up the 95% of students who hadn't opened the book and used their eyes to intake the information. In fact, paraphrasing might be too generous a statement...

When I expressed this situation to fellow students they voiced similar, if not identical, experiences. Why is this mediocrity an accepted practice? Is this a generational issue? Is it just this University? Is it that fact that we are Undergraduate students? What is happening?! Why aren't we expounding on one another's ideas, delving deeper into material that is relevant to our fields of study, challenging opinions and getting our hands dirty? Why did I not walk out of that class with clarity, inspiration, and food for thought?

I didn't actually learn anything new - I learned more from doing the reading on my own than I did from sitting in impatience for 50 minutes, waiting for the time our teacher would give some new information or spark some debate.

*sigh* I tried to just "let it go," but it has been bothering me all day.

"The foundation of every state is the education of its youth."

-Diogenes Laertius

I'm really back. Really, really.

2009-08-25T14:06:00.006-06:00

Hello all. It has been a couple of weeks since my last post. How depressing! Nothing amazing or noteworthy here... WELL, okay that's not true. Here are some things that have brightened my existence since I've been home:

Finally feasting my eyes on the Rocky Mountains. Today as I walked across campus I was once again struck by their epic beauty. I was crossing the plaza of the library and had to catch my breath when I saw them - just bold and huge and unforgiving. It is amazing to me how they can evoke such emotion simply be being. The colors are earthy this time of year and the clouds occasionally kiss the tops as if to say, "Oh hello, massive piece of land that thrust up through the earth's crust! Here, have a kiss!"
Seeing Manny again! I love my bicycle! He is a good boy. He needs some fixing up and fine-tuning but we will be riding soon!
Living with the Schmidts. They are so good to me. I am still living out of my suitcase and I am barely home, but I have a bed to sleep on and the best roomies in the world...
Driving in cars??? I guess I forgot about this over the summer, but when Peggy picked me up from the airport I was tripping on the fact that I was riding passenger seat in a car. I took a few taxis in NYC, but never drove in a CAR. It was so weird.
I have slight agoraphobia here. The streets are SO WIDE and there is SO MUCH SPACE and the buildings are SO SHORT. I miss the claustrophobia!
Seeing familiar faces :) I got my sushi fix with Ruby, my backyard barbeque fix with Kyle, my Cafe Rio fix with Austin, my home-sweet-home fix with Bryan, my Pie fix with Patreek, my girl-talk fix with Leah, and now that school has started - I am overwhelmed with friends and colleagues here in the Music building.

Something important: I fall asleep to crickets here instead of cars. Let me explain:
Last night I was writing in my journal and paused for a moment. I looked up and rested my pen against my lips and closed my eyes. The music from my laptop was transitioning songs, and during those three seconds of silence I heard crickets coming from outside. I quickly paused the music before the next song played and resumed that still position. I listened to the crickets for a good ten minutes. I closed my journal and got under the covers. I listened and smiled and fell asleep. How wonderful that 2,000 miles away some girl in her bed was settling in for the night and heard the city traffic, smiled, and fell asleep to it.

I am amazed by life and its transitions. I am humbled by the opportunities I've had at such a young age. I will happily anticipate the adventures to come.

"It's not New York or Hawai'i, buuuuuuut it's where we live!" -Kyle Martin

Love to all.

**video of my cabaret number

2009-08-15T15:49:00.004-06:00

Cabaret Number: "Life of the Party" from The Wild Party

I apologize for the glare - I had to record this from my laptop onto my camera and then upload it. Enjoy!

A Fond Farewell

2009-08-15T12:01:00.006-06:00

"All artists are joy seekers - seeking extraordinary experiences for the soul, the spirit..."

-Alan Langdon

[click here for beauty and truth]

Welcome to the final NYC post! (This blog will remain open but not updated daily and will probably not be as epic as my NYC adventures have been!)

Last night Group D spent the evening together at Blockheads - a Mexican Grill in midtown. The food was really good... the ambience of the evening was simply blissful, and I was so happy to spend the evening in good company, among my colleagues.

My new favorite thing: "sky-stamps"

My third and final scene partner, Miss Laura de Paris.

Steppin' out:

GROUP D LOVE

We were fortunate to have a rooftop view of the city on our final night together. The lights were truly exquisite and made me feel emblazoned with all my new skills and experiences I get to take home with me. :) I was humbled and happy to be looking at my favorite city with a smile on my face and a night breeze in my hair. This photo does not do it one bit of justice, but I had to at least include it.

As the night when on with laughing and talking and reflecting, our ranks dissembled one by one. Lots of tears and pictures and promises to keep in touch. The phenomenon of COMMUNITY has never had such a unique meaning to me.

When I fly home tomorrow I think I'll probably write in my journal for the entire flight and devote myself to recording this Summer Saga. I am content to leave this place in the mentality of "pausing" my time here instead of closing any metaphorical door. I will be back, and I'll be welcomed with open arms.

"I would give the greatest sunset in the world for one sight of the New York skyline. Particularly when one can't see the details. Just the shapes. The shapes and the thought that made them. [Come] to New York, stand on the shore of the Hudson, look and kneel. When I see the city from my window - no, I don't feel how small I am - but I feel that if a war came to threaten this, I would like to throw myself into space, over the city, and protect these buildings with my body."

-The Fountainhead

Signing off.

LOVE TO ALL.

Wednesday: An Itchy Day

2009-08-12T20:45:00.004-06:00

WOW. WHAT A DAY! If you want photos, there are a few below. Otherwise, enjoy the ride.

This day was full of fabulous discoveries and moments. I am trying to type quickly in my tired state because I feel it is important to have a record but I also want to sleep so badly.

I had a terrible, traumatizing night of not being able to sleep because of these mosquito bites. They are too horrendous to even think of posting on the blog. It's just a bad situation.
Laura and I were scheduled to do our scene in class today. We were playing Alice and Julie from The Pizzaman, a humorous play about these two dysfunctional, selfish roommates. Our rehearsal before class went well...
DOING THE SCENE was probably one of the most interesting experiences I have had here at Circle this summer. It went NOTHING like any of our rehearsals. We were off text, we were all over the place in the scene (in a good way) and it felt extremely realistic in some moments to the point that I wanted to stop the rehearsal and check in with reality. (Real reality...)
After class I had to kind of separate myself and think things over. There were several things that did not go as I had hoped in that scene. I was left a little disappointed, but had quite an epiphany in other ways.
Dance was good... we learned Thriller because it was our last day of class and it was fun and funny and things. Meh.
Voice class. Speech class. Derka der.
Grabbed a snack with Laura to discuss the scene. AAAAND got my Cabaret DVD! I am super disappointed to find that I don't think I have a way to upload it from the DVD... SOOOO I may have to FILM IT from my camera and then POST IT as a video. We'll see how THAT goes.
Andrew met me in Midtown and we came back to apartment, grabbed some dinner, and headed to Central Park to wait stand-by for ... THE BACCHAE! (The Bakkhai) It is being performed at The Public and tonight we were fortunate enough to see their second preview night. The production was actually really good - interestingly staged, the chorus was a significant part, Dionysus (Jonathon Groff) was fabulous. Fabulous, fabulous, fabulous. Other characters... meh, I had mixed feelings. It's been interesting to take what Sybil talked about and to "see what satisfies me" and "pinch it" (steal it for my own use) and "see what doesn't satisfy me" and avoid it at all costs. Rather than "critiquing" or anything... very cool.

Enjoy some pictures. The city was LOVELY tonight. A little breeze, the theatre is outdoors and we were on the front row. The sky changed from blue to indigo to purple to navy to black in the time we were at that show. It was absolutely riveting in the way it added to the drama of the production. I was extremely happy to be experiencing The Bacchae in that way.

Love to all... I mean that. :)

best compliment = "you're good with words"

2009-08-10T20:32:00.006-06:00

Words to describe my day:

(for the most part completely unrelated from one word to the next)

over-easy
legs and wheels
giddiness
useless information
crossword domination
leftovers
rehearsal
recollection
panic
retrograde
things
heat
meditation
disappointment and departure
wet braids
mosquitos
"wezzewoir"
mosquitos
hungry hippos
rebellion and privacy
stamping the sky and painting the lines
mosquitos
an absurd number of mosquitos
painful realizations
tearing out the sutures
relief (literally)
30+ mosquito bites

Moral of the story: Don't act on impulse if you can't handle the repercussions of feeding an army.

** A brief story: in Voice class we are encouraged to flutter our lips to relieve tension. This is also something we do in my Yoga classes occasionally. It has become a nearly-uncontrollable habit. I was sitting on the subway on the way home and let out this giant flutter and startled the woman next to me. I said, "Sorry. Just... relieving stress." We both giggled for about 30 seconds. **

something of interest

2009-08-09T22:56:00.003-06:00

Now that I've been here, and people know that this is so significant to me, etc, it seems to come cropping up in everyone's lives to have some connection or thought about New York that they share with me. Thanks to Ruby for the following quote:

"I would give the greatest sunset in the world for one sight of New York's skyline."

-Ann Rand

Sunday: The Final Countdown!

2009-08-09T21:56:00.003-06:00

Just one week left in my blessed Manhattan. I can't believe how quickly time has gone... This week will be devoted to enjoying the time with Group D, remaining sponge-like in classes, and parting with great Yoga instructors until we meet again. Also exciting is the fact that my darling Andrew arrives this week on Tuesday! I'll get to see him for a few days before I head back to SLC... upon return I head straight into rehearsals for The Bakkhai and then school starts, so I am go-go-go.

There is really nothing comparable to feeling a storm picking up. I think the way it can effect the pace of my heartbeat, my level of observation, my intake of breath (through my nose if it is delicious-smelling rain), making my hairs stick up on my arms and legs, and several other physical aspects is remarkable. On the other hand we have the emotional side-effects including anticipation, some anxiety about whether or not I'll get wet, etc, and these are also amazing to me. Rain is just a unique experience all-around. Tonight as it started raining I stood up from the bench on the street and walked home. No need to get wet out there this evening, though another time I might have wanted to let myself soak to the bone. Lightning is an exquisite perk of storms. It brightens the sky, exposing only bits and pieces of the things that are hidden from our eyes... tops of buildings or shapes of clouds or true colors of trees... and then its ever-fateful partner, thunder. This aspect of a storm is one that I love the most. Thunder is like a massive tiger purring in my ear. I'm laying down to sleep now and can't wait to hear it humming, drowning out even the splattering rain against my window, until all I can hear is... summer, rain, night, sleep, peace.

Love.

Saturday: me and mommy

2009-08-08T16:46:00.008-06:00

The day completely consisted of mommy-daughter time, which is absolutely wonderful to me. We had lunch at Gray's Papaya, took Georgia to Penn Station for her train, checked out the Post Office across from Madison Square Graden, took a bus ride up 6th Avenue, stopped at my school for mom to see (we ran smack into Shannon Romney next to the Gershwin Theatre! Small world!), went to Columbus Circle and watched people and enjoyed the fountains, had an adventure through Central Park (INCLUDING A CAROUSEL RIDE!!! My faaaavorite), briefly visited Barnes and Noble and the NYPL at Lincoln Center, ate dinner at Brother Jimmy's BBQ, and now we are taking a BREAK. We may go to a movie later... anyway, here are some photos!

Love to alllllllll.

Cabaret Day! (Rehearsal vid included)

2009-08-07T21:02:00.007-06:00

Hello one and all! Today was the big day of the Cabaret for Group D! We arrived at The Triad around 11:30 with our bags full of food, outfit things, and ways to entertain ourselves for the next 6 hours of rehearsal. I fancied the Game Boy Color (Super Mario Brothers of course) and some reading/crosswords. This is me before the show in a semi-disturbing-to-reveal-to-the-public photo:

I'm embarrassed to include this video but I know all of you are so eager to see my number, and since I won't have a recording of the performance until sometime later next week I will give you a taste of my rehearsal... again, it's JUST a rehearsal... so don't judge me. Mom said my performance was much better, so just keep that in mind. Haha. Okay. I'm going to stop rationalizing. Enjoy.

If you look closely you can see my hair in dozens of tiny elastics, keeping it all bunched up together for what would ultimately turn into THIS hair:

Meet my Cabaret self, Kate from The Wild Party. I have to confess that I RARELY wear even mascara in my life (MAYYYBE on the days we don't have dance), so I think to look this done up was startling to the group hahaha. I was getting some pretty outrageous looks from folks on the streets during our dinner break (I'd look at me oddly too if I saw me walking around in garters and stockings holding a Superman lunchbox).

Based mostly on these embarrassing reactions, Christian and I ate inside Domino's to avoid drawing attention to my hooker-esque self. Ugh. I ate chicken from home. Ta dahhhh...chickenchicken.

The show was a blast - the energy level was so high, everyone backstage was totally committed and hyped up about getting onstage and performing what we've been working on. I was so happy to hear Mom and Georgia cackling away and hooting for my colleagues. Everyone backstage was asking, "Who is that lady?" and were happy that someone was reacting hee hee... I thought, "Who's laugh does it SOUND LIKE? That's my mom!" They cracked up and appreciated where I inherited my laugh. I was proud!

My number was definitely bursting at the seams with energy - all these performing energy that's been stored away for these many months (well, since the Opera in April...) and I was LOVING being onstage. The lights felt good. The crowd was responsive - really pulling for me. I was so absorbed in my number that afterwards, once I got backstage, I collapsed onto the piano bench and just sat there smiling. It was a neat experience. There is something so addicting about that stage and that applause. A very good night.

My dearest, most cherished Stephanie Sundine attended!! See below.

Me and Mommy:

Georgia, me, Mom:

What at great night. Afterwards we walked back to the apartment and chatted about the show and then mom and I ventured out to get a treat. I'm a happy girl. One more week of this great place!

Love to all.